


Not Strong Enough

by Scoobert0



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Angsty angsty angst, F/M, Gen, M/M, Mind Control, Suicide Attempt, break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-06
Updated: 2012-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-20 11:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/584727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scoobert0/pseuds/Scoobert0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If the one person that made Tony the happiest and loved the most wouldn't trust him, then what was the point?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Strong Enough

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this came from, it's like nothing I've ever written before. 
> 
> And here's your warning: There is an attempted suicide in this. If that's trigger-y at all, turn back now before it's too late.

His phone started ringing while he was sitting across from Pepper in her office. Glancing at the caller I.D., he saw that it was Steve. Why was he calling? He never called when he knew Tony was supposed to be in a meeting.

“It’s Steve.”

“Go ahead.” She sighed, rolling her eyes, but her smile revealed her amusement.

Swiping his thumb against the touch screen, he raised the phone to his ear, “Steve, what-“

_“What the hell Tony?!”_

He pulled the phone away from his ear to stare at it in disbelief. That was Steve’s voice, screaming at him. What could he have possibly done? Sure, Steve yelled at him, but never like that.

He shot Pepper a confused glance, noting that she looked equally confused. She mouthed that she would wait outside until he was done before getting up and leaving. He brought the phone back up to his ear.

“Steve, what are you going on about? What’s wrong?”

_“Remember that woman you ‘helped’ get to her apartment last month?”_

“Yeah. I told you about that right after it happened. Why is this suddenly an issue?” Something was going on; he didn’t like how Steve had emphasized most of that question.

_“Well, she apparently did an interview and is saying you did a little more than walk her to her door, Tony. And she’s not the only one! They have at least three other people lined up to talk about how they’ve slept with you. Since we started dating. So I’m going to ask again, what the hell?!”_

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose briefly before reaching across Pepper’s desk and pulling her laptop in front of him while Steve ranted. He looked up the interview, skimming over the transcript, lip curling in disgust.

“Steve, listen to me, she’s lying. She’s probably just looking to get paid off so she’ll shut-up. Same with the others.”

_“This isn’t the first time something like this has come up. I know you have a history with this kind of thing. You cheated on Pepper for Christ sake!”_

Oh, now he was mad, “How dare you. First of all, I did not cheat on Pepper, I never would have. She couldn’t handle not knowing if I’d come back from missions alive or not. We agreed to stop seeing each other because of that. Second, I was a playboy for god knows how many years, so yeah, people are going to try and play on that, probably for the rest of my life. I haven’t slept with anyone but Pepper since Afghanistan. I kinda thought you realized that when _you_ asked _me_ out.”

There was a long pause on the other side of the line before Steve exhaled.

 _“I_ thought _I did. But who am I supposed to believe here, Tony?”_

“ME! You’re supposed to believe me, Steve! I’m your goddamn boyfriend!” His anger spiked as he yelled back through the phone.

_“That’s the thing, I don’t know if I can.”_

Tony was silent for a moment, trying to figure out what the hell Steve was getting at, “What are you saying Steve?”

_“I don’t want to do this anymore. If this is how it’s going to be, I don’t want any part of it.”_

With that, the phone line went dead.

“Steve? STEVE?!” He shouted into the phone anyways.

Slowly, he lowered the phone down into his lap, staring at it in disbelief.

He's still staring down at it, fighting back tears when Pepper comes back into the office.  
She stands next to him for a moment before speaking, "Everything go ok?"

He squeezes his eyes shut for a second before forcing a half-hearted smile on his face.

"Yeah, Pep. I'm just gonna use the bathroom quick, then head back down to R&D." He managed to say without letting his voice break. Pepper eyed him nervously, but she finally smiled softly at him.

"Ok. I know you’re not going to say it, but I can tell something is wrong. Whatever it is, how about I come over later tonight and we can watch some movies and eat a couple tubs of that wine ice cream."

"Yeah, ok." Walking over to the private bathroom of her office, he slipped in without another word, the door clicking shut behind him. He leaned against it for a moment, wanting nothing more than to slide down to the floor and cry.

Had things really ended this easily? He’d thought Steve actually understood him, maybe even a little better than Pepper had, but obviously not. Now he was just another person that his life had gotten a hold of and ruined.

Pushing off the door, he went and stood in front of the sink. He made the mistake of glancing up at the mirror on the wall. The man looking back at him was not the same man he'd seen there that morning. That man had been blissfully happy and in love. This new man looked dead and broken inside his still living body. Now he realized he should have known better.

He looked away before the urge to shatter his own face grew any stronger.

His hands started searching through the drawers in the vanity till there were five different pill bottles sitting along the countertop. He glanced over their labels before putting two vitamins supplements back. The remaining bottles were more than enough.

He grabbed the ibuprofen bottle, which was only half full, and started swallowing the tablets.   
Setting the empty bottle down, he picked up the next one, which he could help but laugh softly at. Motrin. Of course. He dry swallowed a handful of them. Finally he picked up the prescription Valium. The label said they were expired, but what the hell. He only took 8 of them.

He put the bottles back where he'd found them, so as to not worry Pepper when she used the bathroom next. 

Turning on the sink, he leaned forward and swallowed a few mouthfuls to help the pills dissolve faster. He splashed water over his face before standing up. Grabbing the hand towel off the wall, he patted his face dry. Risking one last glance at the mirror, knowing what would happen now, he had to admit, the person looking back seemed almost serene. Maybe he should have done this years ago.

Leaving the bathroom, he forced another smile for pepper, who was currently on the phone talking to someone. He caught her eye and waved, pointing to the door. She wiggled her fingers at him before focusing on her call again. He sighed as he left the office, wishing he could have at least given her a hug goodbye. Oh well, maybe it was better this way.

He made his way down towards his private lab in R&D, starting to sweat and feeling nauseous by the time he reached it. Locking the door behind him, he went straight for his desk, where he had a bottle of bourbon stashed. He set the bottle on the desk before collapsing into the chair.

"Is everything alright sir?" JARVIS asked, "I am detecting that your vitals are becoming abnormal. Do you require any assistance?"

"Mute." Was all he said as he reached forward for the bottle. He cracked the cap open and took a swing. There was a loud pop as he pulled it away from his lips and the tears he’d been holding back finally started falling.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of something on his desk. Turning in the chair, he came face to face with a picture of Steve and himself. In it, he looked sickeningly enamored with the other man, even with Steve's arms wrapped around him while he tried to work on something. He remembered trying to act as annoyed as possible while Bruce took the photo, but he obviously failed at that. Just like everything else.

Without thinking about it, he raised the bottle in his hand, saluting the picture, "To us."

After that things became blurry. At some point he'd finished the bottle off and threw it at the wall, watching with glee as it shattered. Kinda like his life. How poetic.

The next bout of awareness came when he was on his hands and knees, heaving his guts out onto the floor. He stared blurrily down at the mess, noticing all the bleeding cuts and scrapes on his arms. What the hell had he been doing?

 _Nothing that mattered_ , he answered himself.

Without another care, he collapsed face first into darkness.

\---------

The first thing he expected to hear upon regaining consciousness was the hospital equipment, seeing as that would be the only explanation for him waking up at all. And that’s exactly what he did hear.

What he didn’t expect were the large, calloused hands wrapped around his own.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please wake up. I’m so so sorry.” A familiar voice rasped hoarsely from beside him.

Groaning, he tilted his head to the side, feeling the nasal canal shift, and cracked his eyes open.

Steve was sitting in a chair next to the bed, staring up at his face with a worried expression. He noted how there was a white bandage wrapped around the other man’s head and found himself wondering what happened.

“The hell happened to you?” He managed to ground out before having a coughing fit. The hospital bed moved into a more upright position as Steve held a glass of water up to his lips. As much as he wanted to chug the whole thing, he forced himself to take small sips. Even so, it was taken away all too soon for his liking.

Letting his eyelids drop closed, he tried to gather his thoughts. Familiar hands cup his face, forcing him to open his eyes. Steve peered down at him, still looking worried, but there was something else there now too. Hope.

“Tony, I’m so sorry. I tried, I tried so hard to resist. I should have been able to resist him. I’m sorry.” The soldier babbled, dropping his head to rest on Tony’s shoulder. His free hand came up automatically and started carding through the blond strands of his hair.

“What happened?” He managed to ask, his throat was killing him.

“You almost killed yourself!” Steve’s head came up, tears shining in his eyes, “If Pepper hadn’t gotten a headache and gone to get some ibuprofen and found the empty bottle, you’d be dead. They had to pump your stomach when you were brought in.”

“Not me. I know what I did,” He said shortly, “What happened to you? Pep decide to armor up and kick your ass?”

The corner of Steve’s lip twitched upwards for a second, recognizing the joke for what it was.

“Thor.”

“What about Thor?”

“Thor is what happened to my head.” He gave the soldier a glare when it seemed he wouldn’t explain any further.

“The Purple Man got into the Tower somehow. When I got back from my run, he was there, waiting. He. He forced me to say so many cruel things to you Tony. I would never think any of that of you. No matter what anyone else says otherwise. You know that right?”

He smiled softly at him, looking away, which was answer enough.

“Guess I still have some work to do with you.” Steve huffed before continuing, “He had JARVIS deactivated, but something must have triggered him to come back online and he alerted the rest of the Avengers. When they showed up, Purple Man forced me to fight against them. Mjolnir clipped the end of my shield and cause me to knock my head pretty good against one of the marble steps in the living room. It was enough to put me right in the head again though. They… They only told me what you did after they brought me here to get checked out.”

They were both quiet for a minute, just staring at each other.

“You, you didn’t mean-“ He started, hands coming up to rest against Steve’s face.

“No, none of it. Never.” Was his answer before they met in a passionate kiss. Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes as Steve’s lips traveled across his face, peppering him with affection.

“I love you Steve, I love you so much.” He whispered, staring up at his lover’s face when he finally pulled back a few inches.

“I know Tony, I love you too. Don’t you ever scare me like that again.”

“I can’t promise, but I’ll try.”

“That’s good enough for me then. Get some more rest Tony. We’ll see if we can’t get you home tomorrow.”

With a happy sigh, he let his eyes slide shut and relaxed into peaceful sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Look, look, a happy ending! I can't not do a happy ending. :) And sorry if the ending seems rushed at all, It's after midnight now and I have to get up for work in a couple hours, but I really wanted to get this up.


End file.
